No self-respecting 27 year old woman wants to be known as a cougar…
I met Josiah, who is now my husband, six years ago when he was eighteen. He had a great smile and nice muscles; and I had no intention of dating him. He was younger than my youngest brother, and just out of high school, for goodness sake! We were good friends, and hung out with the same people. For years I would tell my girlfriends, “Josiah is an awesome guy; we need to find him a girl, or Beth is a nice girl we should hook her up with Josiah”. But as I watched Josiah through the years, I realized that I was looking for a man just like him, but just an older version. I admired his character, he is a man that set high standards for him self and makes a point to live up to them. I also saw how his placed strong value on his family and friends. When we started to talk about dating I had to get passed the fact that I graduated from college the same year he graduated from high school. Also I had to face the truth that when I was getting my driver’s license, he wasn’t even a teenager yet. There is a factor that has helped with our age difference, he is mature for his age, and I am not. In the beginning of our “more than friends” relationship, we were in different phases in life he was just out of college and me several years into the work force. We decided to go ahead, and move forward with our new relationship. I was still nervous in giving this relationship a try because I knew that if it didn’t work out then we would never again have our original friendship back. I also knew for certain if I didn’t take this chance then I would never know if this was the man that would be my husband. It may have taken me four years to work up the courage, but as fate would have it; I am that girl that I have been looking for, for him. But because of that very fact, I have become a cougar.
The picture that comes to mind when I think of a Cougar is a woman in her mid to late forties with blood red lipstick and a martini, not someone like me! The Cougar drives the convertible sports car with a miniature dog named something like Lady Genevieve, Queenie or Fifi. My dog’s name is Gibson, that’s normal, right? These middle aged women, for whatever reason, have on spandex and their nails are always freshly manicured. They have no wrinkles, and wear a permanent smile no matter if they are upset or not. I always think of them chasing after pool boys, young foreign gardeners, or meat heads with tight shirts on. I think these women need to feel powerful by being able to catch men that may be out of their league, and defiantly out of their generation. You have seen these women; they are directly off the set of Days of Our Lives. True to their name, these women are cougars on the prowl for any young thing with a handsome face, straight back, and large muscles.
I am a cougar… Wait a second! I don’t want a pool boy, and I don’t want to be powerful. That just makes me the old woman in the relationship!! I’m the one that has to break all the milestone birthdays first, and the first to break a hip. I want to be the young good looking thing. When I hit thirty, he is still in his mid-twenties, now that’s not fair. On my sixtieth birthday he will just be fifty-five! Why does fifty-five sound so much younger than sixty?! I wonder if I can talk him into both of us turning twenty five this year. Why does my husband want an old woman? Maybe he is after me because I will collect Social Security and senior citizens discounts years before him?! I can’t be a cougar I can’t afford tires on a sports car much less the car itself. Last time I checked I didn’t have crow’s feet around my eyes. Yikes, when was the last time I checked? I need to make a trip to Walgreen’s stat, so I can stock up on anti aging crèmes, purchase a thigh master and support hose. I wonder if it’s too late! When do body parts start to sag, do I still have some good years left in this firm body?! What will we do when he whispers sweet endearments in my ear, and I can’t hear them anymore?! If anyone were to look at my life the only things that I have in my cougar portfolio is the manicure and my man.
Of course the age difference might not be such a bad idea. Wisdom and knowledge comes with age, so that being the case I guess that means that I am also the smarter person in the relationship. I have brains and beauty, what a catch I am. When I become advanced in years I have someone to take care of me when I can’t find my glasses or teeth. And when they take away my license I have someone to drive me around like Ms. Daisy. Right now my husband can get us the college discounts to the movies, and then in a few years I can get us the senior citizen one. Don’t people say that men die sooner than women? Well, if that’s the case then that would have us reaching the finish line of life together, that sounds like a pretty good plan to me. Of course I will be a little more wrinkled and gray, but I should be in pretty good shape because for the last sixty I was chasing after a nice young piece of …
So, such is my destiny in life, hear me growl. I am a Cougar and my new husband is well, Cougar bait…
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