No self-respecting 27-year-old woman wants to be known as a cougar…
The image that comes to mind when I think of a Cougar is a woman in her mid- to late- forties with blood-red lipstick and a martini. The Cougar drives the convertible sports car and coddles a miniature dog named Lady Genevieve, Queenie or Fifi. This middle-aged woman has her spandex painted on and her nails are always freshly manicured. She has no wrinkles and wears a permanent smile -- whether she is upset or not. She chases after pool boys, young foreign gardeners, or meat heads with tight shirts on. The Cougar has a need to feel powerful by being able to catch men that may be out of her league and are definitely out of her generation. True to her name, this woman is a cougar -- ready to pounce on any young thing with a handsome face, straight back, and large muscles.
So, call me a Cougar. I’m 27, and I married a man five years my junior. Much of the world looks at my relationship with a frown on its face and its nose in the air. It wants to know why a mature woman in her late twenties would want to have a relationship with a young man just out of college. Well, let me explain.
I met Josiah, my husband, six years ago when he was eighteen. He had a great smile and nice muscles, and I had no intention of dating him. He was younger than my youngest brother, and just out of high school, for goodness sake! We were good friends, and hung out with the same people. For years I would tell my girlfriends, “Josiah is an awesome guy; we need to find him a girl,” or “Beth is a nice girl. We should hook her up with Josiah.”
But as I watched Josiah through the years, I realized that I was looking for a man exactly like him -- just an older version. I admired his character. I observed him as he set high standards for himself, and then made a point to live up to them. He placed strong value on his family and friends. He possessed a substantial stubborn streak (a trait that any man would need in order to put up with me). He made me laugh, and I enjoyed his light hearted spirit. Over and over, I saw qualities emerge that are important to me. I began to ask myself, “Is the woman being older really a deal-breaker for a relationship?”
In the beginning of our “more than friends” relationship, I had to overcome the falsehood that I had believed my whole life: that I shouldn’t date a guy younger than me, that this relationship was unnatural because I, as the woman, was older. Society told me that the maturity-gap between us would be too large. (What “society” didn’t realize was that I am the immature one, most of the time!) I was told that we were in different places in life, and that we would have issues and problems because of it. What I’ve come to realize, however, is that everyone has problems – it is how you battle those problems together that help you grow individually and towards each other. I knew that I needed to know for myself if this was meant to be or not. I couldn’t have someone else telling me that we would not work out.
That being said, I don’t believe that I fit this stereotype of a cougar… I only meet one of the requirements. (Okay, maybe two – I have gotten a few manicures.) I am the older half of this relationship, but you wouldn’t know it if you were to see me and Josiah interact. Many personal attributes that the world would contribute to age and experience are part of Josiah’s personality, not mine. He is a born leader. He is decisive. He is organized. He is driven. I’m just not wired that way. (But I do have a front row seat to see what it looks like up close, so that maybe one day some of those traits may rub off on me.) Because of this, we can work together as a team. If he were older than me with the same personality traits as me it wouldn’t work. It is because of who he is that we have the relationship we do today. It is not because of age, knowledge or life-experience. We haves two personalities that compliment each other, and age doesn’t change that a bit.
So, while I will break all the milestone birthdays first and perhaps be the first to break a hip, I have to admit that there are some wonderful perks to this relationship. I can’t beat the fact that, right now, my husband is able to get us the college discounts to the movies, and in not so many years I will be able to get us the senior citizen one! Also when I become advanced in years I will have someone to take care of me. And, because women tend to live a bit longer than men, then that would have us reaching the finish line of life together. I’ve got to say that that sounds like a pretty good plan to me.
I’ve decided the world can think what they want about me. They can choose for themselves if I am a cougar creeping around after my next prey. If the world bases its assumption on the fact that I’m several years older than Josiah, it will fall short of truly knowing me and him and our relationship. I didn’t seduce Josiah with my shiny car or manufactured body. Quite the opposite, I’m a woman who fell in love with her friend. Am I a cougar because I chose a younger man and a younger man chose me? I don’t think so. I was just a woman who found her other half in an unexpected way.
